Crush : Part 5

(…Continued from Part 4)

I knew she was ignoring me.

We no longer met, so there was no question of asking that in person. Even my planned bumping-into-her-at-the street attempts failed.

I sent a couple more messages which looked more like the emails you wrote at work. To the point.

‘Hi!’

‘How are you?’

‘Good.’

‘Great!’

And days later she stopped replying to messages altogether. Nothing at all.

I felt like telling her.

I felt like typing out a long message – about how I always wanted to know more about her and how I liked the way she smiled, the way she looked exactly the same way as one of my previous crushes did – the one I saw at a college fest and then found half of freshman year searching. I wanted to tell her how much I loved being a friend of hers. I wanted too tell her how different she was from the rest of the crowd.

But as all other great lovers did, I typed out the message, all my feeling overflowing, and just deleted it.

Every time I walked by her lane, I wished I would run into her. But that never happened.

The passion that I had for her began to be a burden that I would carry everyday. And it just got heavier with every passing day. It is tough to live life with that holding you down.

I left it at her doorstep and promised myself that I would never go back again.

I stared at her display picture everyday, resisting myself from sending another message.

And if you give me a choice, even today, I’d still avoid taking her lane.

Some crushes don’t make it to love. They were, perhaps, never destined to happen.

And I will never know if she liked me back.

Thank you very much if you made it until here!

Do let me know how you felt it was in the comments.

In case you haven’t read the other parts, feel free to go back and start over!

Thanks again!

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Crush : Part 4

(…Continued from Part 3)

I knew that I won’t be getting any reply now.

What have I done?

I must have certainly creeped her out.

From what I have realized, every girl has this sixth sense to know when a guy tries to stalk her.

She probably knew.

Life came up with a surprise two days later.

‘Abhinav?’, the message inquired.

I gathered courage and replied, ‘Yes’.

The messages that followed were the lamest excuses I had ever come up with, from trying to explain where I got her number from to why I was texting.

Approximately 30 messages later, I knew that she’d been terribly sick and had just returned from her vacation, which was more of a sick leave, to be precise.

And I continued talking to her.

I never realized that a month passed by.

Her replies, scarce than rain in a desert – I assumed she might be busy, all caught up with her work.

And all this time, I never saw her – WhatsApp being the only savior.

The replies would become less frequent. I could see that she read my messages, but there weren’t any replies. The blue ticks are the worst thing mankind ever came up with.

That last message actually deserved no reply – I mean why would you reply to an emoji when you are talking emoji over the last five minutes? That’s BFF stuff. With others it marks the end of a conversation.

But I never gave up.

I would send keep sending messages – whenever she would put up a status or I found something that relates to her.

I started doing this in my previous relationship, and boy, it was fun – if one of us would be away from the phone, the other would still keep sending messages, photos, videos and what not. How stupid it was to return to your phone and see all their thoughts while you were away – makes you realize how much you miss one another.

My brain, however, saw this as a puzzle and started coming up various hypotheses. Perhaps, she has a boyfriend – how can she keep texting me when she’s with him?

Or probably she’s having fun with her friends – how can I expect her to invest her time here when I don’t even know if there’s something of value I have to offer?

I could only keep wondering and then often doze off, waiting for a reply. At other times, I would just switch off data and write or draw something if my brain isn’t tired yet.

I knew.

Somewhere deep down I knew that she was ignoring me.

(To be continued…)

Crush : Part 2

(…Continued from Part 1)

I see her almost every other day now. It feels like something’s missing on the days when she doesn’t show up.

Maybe she would have fallen sick. Or just taken a day off to give herself a break. I just can’t stop thinking.

She still chooses the same table everyday, facing the large glass windows, taking a bite and then a quick scroll on the phone.

Maybe she is an introvert. I’ve never seen her with any friends. Or does she not have any friends here?

I moved in here for work – that was six months back, I would be the same way. All of my friends were a thousand miles away. Cellphones and the internet have broght the world together but it can probably never provide the warmth of talking with someone in person.

I could not resist the urge to know more about her.

I wish I could walk upto her and say hi.

Not today though.

Maybe she had some friends that I knew. But if I ask them it would bring a great deal of doubt, wouldn’t it? And what if they tell her? I would come across as desperate, probably. No, I don’t want to do that.

I was rejoiced to see her when I went out for a walk on this boring Satuday evening.

She lives near me. Yeah!

And I know a couple of her friends. Great!

Now, how do we give things a kickstart?

It was another regular morning.

As always, there she was, at her regular spot.

I don’t want to keep things this way forever.

And also I had come in alone today – maybe this is the chance.

I picked up my plate and walked up to her table, asked her if I could join her.

She was delighted to have company.

I don’t remember what we talked, but I am sure most of the things hardly made sense. It was just about getting to know her, but it was me who did most of the talking. And this is irrelevant – I know that even you want to know what happened next.

We walked home together that day.

I still feel stupid why we chose to discuss work. Well, its great to have something to talk that nothing. And it was mostly me rambling, all along the way.

I dropped her by her doorstep.

Said the customary goodbyes.

That day, the roads seemed different. People seemed happy, there were smiles everywhere I looked. Maybe this is how the world is when looked through rose-tinted glasses.

I was happier than usual.

She was way out of my league.

I could’ve probably asked for her number, but wouldn’t that be creepy? Maybe I should for wait for a while longer.

(To be continued…)

Crush : Part 1

I have seen her a couple of times.

We’ve remained those kind of strangers – never quite had the the feeling to be friends.

The perfect stories start with strangers and then you being friends and then falling in love. Oh, so wonderful it sounds!

There’s no shortage of fish in the sea either.

But honestly, it’s always nice to have a familiar face in a crowd.

I’d always watch her sit alone by the corner table at the canteen, munching at her breakfast, scrolling through her phone.

I wonder why she is so mysterious.

Life had really started to become busier, not much time for fun now in this world full of deadlines and targets.

I saw her again. But with faces so beautiful everywhere, you just get confused where to look. You’d probably miss another pretty one.

I wish I had said hi, but well, that never happened. Sigh.

And there are people staring at you, and you get this strange kind of vibe. You look back and they are looking away now. Brilliantly played. Seemed fun at times, creepy at others.

I struggled to get back to normal, away from all the pain.

Weekdays were all about work and weekends, binge watching movies and TV.

They say you need to have goals at every point in life, but this moment I chose not to.

Perhaps I had one.

(To be continued…)

The End

It is difficult.

Just the way they say it is.

The memories keep coming back and you can’t do nothing.

It’s been months now.

I pick up the pen everyday, stare at the notebook, wondering where to get started.

They said it would help.

It was never clear how it happened – perhaps just a misunderstanding, but it was decided that we would never go back to what it was.

The days seemed more beautiful than they really were. Waking up every morning had a purpose. Days consisted of just two kinds of moments – the ones in which you are in together and the ones where you miss each other. Going to bed every night dreaming of another morning together.

Life was simple. Yet it felt amazing.

Now, we’ve vowed to just remain friends, eventually trying to reduce the communication until it ceases to exist one day.

Maybe that’s the part where everything went wrong.

It’s been an amazing experience – starting with being strangers, building a world of dreams together, only to be hit by reality and deciding to go back to where it all started off, as strangers, but this time with a change, more precisely a challenge – building separate worlds.

The latter is still yet to complete, but the two worlds are slowly taking shape, one person at a time.

But you never give up. Life goes on.

Or maybe not.

I’m stuck here, in this world of beautiful memories, crafted together. I know that I won’t have these again.

This might never be published. But this is going to be, now.

As someone said,

This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. But this might be, well, the end of the beginning.

Here’s to a newer tomorrow!